Gender inequality doesn't worry me, I got skills!

We watch with sadness the news around the gender salary gap, we hear in horror the stats on gender diversity, we quickly nod our heads when Sheryl Sandberg says “A truly equal world, would be one where women ran half our countries and companies, and men ran half our homes”. So why is it so difficult for us to accept that gender diversity is not just another woman’s problem? Why are we still so hung up on getting a job based on the ideal of ‘merit’, and think about gender diversity just in terms of numbers rather than a day to day issue?

The answer is quite simple, when it comes to work, we (women) are ready and focused on winning the battles (get a promotion, a seat at the table, be a working mum), but we turn a blind eye to the fact that we are losing the ‘war’.

We are not prepared to look at the big picture with us in it. To accept that on many occasions our achievements are the result of our privileged backgrounds; that our great fortune is not usually the result of a fair process, and even worst, it is not paving the way for meaningful change or real diversity.

The light bulb moment

Paradoxically, it took a bunch of men, some older than I am, for me to open my eyes, and understand the real meaning and impact of gender inequality.

My light bulb moment came in the form of a new job when I started to work in a male dominated organisation, but where all the “working mum” stereotypes that I had previously being frowned upon, were widely accepted amongst men.

Here I was, witnessing men being expected to take long leaves when their kids were born, working from home or coming to work late after dropping off their kids at school.

The shocking part was not seeing men ‘running half their homes’, but the fact that even under those understanding conditions, I was still trying to prove at all times, that despite being a mother, I was a very hardworking employee.

What the hell was wrong with me? No one else was doing that? Why was I my worst enemy?

The answer wasn’t easy to swallow. I had to accept gender inequality was also my problem. In fact, it was even worst in my case, because I was so focused on not being a ‘victim’, that unconsciously, I had grown accustomed to making my daily work life a battleground full of harsh self-criticism. So much so, that I hadn’t even considered the possibility that it wasn’t me who wasn’t good enough, but rather the system.

With that realisation on hand, all my other ideas around gender diversity came tumbling down like a house of cards…

There is no merit in merit

If merit is what it takes to get into a leadership role - or into any job for that matter-, why doesn’t the proportion of working women equal the percentage of women in leadership roles?

The reason is almost straight forward: we are basing our recruitment and career advancing processes on the idea that merit guarantees fairness, equality and objectivity; without recognising that the ideal of merit doesn’t match the notion of merit used in our every day lives and workplaces.

If this ideal of merit is at the core of all recruitment decisions, then why does ‘cultural fit’ keep getting mentioned as the reason to recruit or reject a candidate?

Isn’t ‘cultural fit’ just a fancy way to describe our innate tendency to like people that work and think like us, which is per se a very subjective approach to recruitment, and not meritorious at all.

The reality is that merit is just a word we keep using to make us feel better: “I got my job on merit “ or “our recruitment process is based on merit”. It is just simpler and quicker to believe in merit, rather than having to think and maybe even open the door to the uncomfortable idea of unconscious bias.

We are not all equal

The fact that women and men don’t get the same amount of opportunities is probably the most glaring disparity between women and men in the workplace, and yet we as a society have mastered the art of sweeping this fact under the carpet of amnesia.

Just think about this: you open a job, and a crucial part of the hiring criteria is having 9+ years of experience in the field. You get Maria and John applying for the job, and they are your two finalist candidates. They both graduated 11 years ago and started their careers straight away. Both have managerial experience, and both have MBAs. Both, Maria and John have two kids under the age of five. Maria took 12 months of maternity leave with each child; therefore, she has 9 years of experience, while John has 11 (no time off). Is it fair to give the job to John based on these facts? Are they both equal under these circumstances? Is that really a decision based on merit?

A few weeks ago, I attended a LinkedIn event titled “Lead the transformation”. Vicky Skipp, Director Sales Solutions, APAC, LinkedIn, shared with the audience how LinkedIn recruited and on-boarded her while she was pregnant and how her pregnancy was never a factor in the recruitment process.

I had to ask myself, would I recruit a pregnant candidate? And the unfortunate answer was, I’m not sure… Before you start to call me names, I invite you to ask yourself the same question: would you recruit a pregnant candidate? Would your organisation support your decision if you decided to hire a pregnant candidate?

The saddest part is not that women and men do not have the same opportunities, but the fact that this inequality is so inherent in the fibre of our society, that even when we are at the highest point of our bias, we still find excuses to do so.

It is more than numbers

Perhaps the biggest lesson I have learned when it comes to gender inequality is that it is not just about numbers. The figures, the percentages, are just the tip of the iceberg. It is what we had to emphasise to “market” the idea of gender diversity to businesses, and shock our society to encourage a cultural change.

Gender inequality or gender diversity for that matter is not about fixing women (or men) to increase female participation in the workplace. It shouldn’t start at the workplace, but at home, from the moment we consciously decide not to use gender stereotypes in the education of our kids. At school, when we encourage girls to love science and any subject they like, no matter if it is not the girly thing to do. In our communities, when we embrace and celebrate the difference, and those who think and love differently to us.

If we wait to address gender diversity until we get into the workplace, we will always be a step behind.

Gender diversity is about cultural change and inclusion, the figures are just there to prove how badly we have sucked at it for so many decades.

The change within

I completely agree that gender diversity is not about fixing women. However, I do believe we (women) need to have a cultural shift within, so we do not keep enabling and even encouraging the stereotypes that have held us back for so many years.

We need to learn to be bolder and less risk adverse. Let’s stop living in this constant battleground of self-doubt and harsh self-criticism. Do we really need to spend (waste) so much time explaining why we can still do the job even after motherhood? When we are the only woman in the room, do we really need those eternal mental monologues to decide if it is the right time to speak or the right opinion to express? Do we really need to tick all the boxes in a job description before we decide to apply, and if so, then how are we expecting to ever expand our skills?

I firmly believe that no one can value you more than what you value yourself. I know switching gears is not easy; we have been shaped very well to self-doubt ourselves at every step of the way. However, if we don’t accept, we are not helping ourselves, if we don’t encourage the change within, we won’t be able to identify or enjoy the changes around us when the time comes.

Quotas, the not so evil word

Perhaps the final realisation of this journey has been accepting that moving speeches and shocking numbers are not going to be enough to produce the gender diversity change we want, and nothing will work better or faster than the introduction of quotas.

Introducing legislation that supports quotas will allow us to do one simple thing, prove to organisations, that won’t do it of their own free will, that gender diversity is good for business. Quotas will allow us to show more men, women, businesses and governments that we are not going to end up with roles filled by unqualified women, nor are we going to get jobs we don’t deserve.

Are we going to wait 50 or more years for the change to take effect, or are we finally going to walk the talk, and support quotas, so we can actually leave a better world for our daughters, nieces, and granddaughters?

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Originally published on LinkedIn